A few things happened recently that made me realise: equal partnership parenting is radical pursuit.
radical /ˈradɪk(ə)l/
Oxford Dictionary
adjective
1. (especially of change or action) relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough.
2. advocating or based on thorough or complete political or social change; representing or supporting an extreme or progressive section of a political party.
Where did this come from?
Buddy turned one, and I looked around at everyone I know who had a baby in the past year saw that (1) none of the women work full time, and (2) all of the men work full time. Everyone chooses what’s right for them. And 2020 was not a good year for workplace mobility. But collectively it paints a picture – there is a structural imbalance.
The Australian Government announced a range of new policies measure to support women. One of those was increasing the subsidy for child care. The Austalian media also widely reported this as a win for women (who apparently have babies by themselves?!)
I read Olga Khazan’s article in The Atlantic on The Professional Women Who Are Leaning Out: “the competing demands of work and motherhood have some white-collar women choosing part-time work – and loving it.” This is an article that talks about the burden of women’s care and women’s breadwinning responsibilities, without reference to the spouse’s childcare and breadwinning responsibilities. In 2021!
“Others felt elated that they could now do mom-like activities that their jobs hadn’t allowed time for. Quigley, who is now working about 30 hours a week as a freelancer, has been watching movies with her kids and recently met a friend for coffee, which she rarely did before. She’s coaching her sons’ Little League teams. “I never would have been able to volunteer with such a commitment before, because I felt like I was always on call,” she told me.”
What the fuck is a mom-like activity?!?! Do you use your ovaries to do it?!
It is completely baffling to me that equal parenting is a radical pursuit, but here we are. So what does that mean?
I am a big fan of the Five Love Languages framework, which is a way to understand the different ways individuals express and experience love. I joke that my love language is ‘links’ – sharing articles, research, recommendations. “I’ll send you a link” is my unintended catchphrase.
Sharing knowledge is one of my core values. I believe that if you discover something, you should share it. If you google something, find nothing and have to figure it out yourself, write it up and put it on the internet. Contribute to the literature. Make it easier for the next person.
So I’m going to prioritise this project.
I’m also going to start writing up the things we’ve figured out along the way – things that aren’t directly about the project, but are equal parenting-adjacent. Lifehacks and systems that facilitate our load-sharing and our life. You’ll find these under Playbook. I’ve started with our approach to nappies – how we’re balancing pragmatism and environmental factors. It’s not radical, but I haven’t seen it written up anywhere else.
Ok, back to fighting the patriarchy. And, you know, mom-like activities.